I feel my life is a total contradiction. I haven't yet remedied inconsistencies in my beliefs. I believe in the soul but also must believe that the brain is everything. I believe I have the power to be whoever I want to be but am also a hard determinist. I believe in love at first site and that monogamy is the only true happiness in relationships but also see myself claim to love one and have my heart beat faster with another. I love my boyfriend one moment and the next ask myself what the fuck is love? I believe in women being strong and yet shy away from my own strength, wanting to be viewed as fragile and sensitive because society tells me that is what's attractive. I believe that nothing can be accomplished without trust and yet I cannot trust. I believe in a balanced lifestyle - that meditation and exercise are essential for productivity and happiness and yet disregard them. I believe in treating others with respect and maintaining peace and yet those closest to me know how hot my anger burns. How can I be at peace with all these inconsistencies jammed within one mind, or are there really two people; two minds.